I am not going to bore you with the tedious details of my recovery. It was long, there were trial and error moments with medications, learning about my condition, reading the material assigned and endless therapy sessions to help me cope with and manage this aspect of my life. The truth is, whether it is an illness, injury or just the quest for self-mastery, we all have something that we are dealing with in life.
Life can be full of muck and yuck moments but it can also be glorious and I found that sometimes it is those moments after we feel that we have hit our lowest low that we soar to our highest altitudes. I have also noticed (from my own experiences) that it is very easy to get stuck in those low moments until they are all we seem to be having and it doesn’t have to be that way, unless, of course, deep down you like it that way and trust me I have met a few people who do. We all have the capacity to choose how we want to live.
So, from this point forward, we move forward. My diagnosis was a needed catalyst and it took me awhile to realize that it wasn’t something that happened “to me” but “for me” and as we go along I am hoping that this statement becomes clearer in meaning and purpose. I am also going to add a disclaimer at this point. I am not a guru, spiritual teacher, life coach/mentor, etc. I don’t claim to be and I do not want to be known as such. You! You are capable of handling that aspect of your life and only you. I am simply here to share my journey with you. What works for me may not work for you and that is ok. We are all unique individual souls that work as a collective whole. You are literally a universe, within a universe, within a universe…infinitely.
I am simply hoping, not that you do as I did or do, but that you use this information to find what works for you and then share it. If it works for you…great, use it. If it doesn’t, no worries, hopefully it will help you to look for what does work for you. If it sort of works, feel free to modify it and play with it until it does work. I can also guarantee that there will be times that you scratch your head and think to yourself, “she is totally nutters.” I promise it won’t offend me if you do, I am quite fond of pointing out that I am an enigma wrapped in a paradox and rolled in candy-coated bits of crazy. I don’t think that I have ever seen the world quite like anyone else and I am happy with that. In truth, when I finally accepted that I don’t have to be like anyone else, my life radically improved.
I don’t want to dictate how you lead your life. I don’t want to tell you I have all the answers because I don’t. I am simply sharing my journey, which is something that I am not accustomed to doing. I am an introvert and I am intensely private (I am also a perfectionist) and sharing with others, even in this venue, is a very uncomfortable experience for me (it is also why I haven’t set up my email or read and responded to comments on the Stara Planina Meditation Center Facebook page). I am aware that I can come off as aloof, cold, detached and it has been a life long battle of mine. I am doing better but I am never going to be an extroverted charmer. I will never be the life of the party. In time, I will read and respond to comments and set up my email on the Blog but for now it is baby steps.