Time for New Year Resolutions…


… and I try not to set them but last year I promised myself that I would attempt to take better care of myself since I am prone to burning my candle at both ends. It was a hit and miss endeavor…if it had been on Pinterest I am pretty sure that it would have been a fail, hence why I try to avoid those pesky resolutions, but here we are again a new year and the social urge to be a new me.

I find this problematic. I like me and for whatever reason I am hard wired for self expansion often with zealous determination that borders on obsession and annoys my friends and family. I wouldn’t change this personal aspect for all the money in the world  and I am fairly certain it is the reason that I have been able to manage my bipolar disorder successfully med-free for the past 5 years.  I have discovered that although I like the idea of resolutions, it is the trendiness of them that is an issue.

Let me clarify; I am not thrilled with the normal resolutions of get fit, lose weight, extreme makeover or find that new hobby that is going to allegedly make my life perfect. Perfect, unfortunately, does not exist. Perfectly imperfect does and all those trendy, make yourself better by altering yourself paradigms, well, they really don’t change what needs to change in our lives. It may make us look better and therefore feel better but I have found them to be a temporary feel good solution. They are also a distraction tactic that keeps us in a perpetual cycle of avoidance…not to mention unhappiness.

Real world example straight from my life:

I have a tiny little pixie of a mother and an amazon of a sister, who back in the day were both very lithe and willowy. I, on the other hand, am and always have been short and stocky. I look more at home carrying packs up the side of mountains than gracefully treading a catwalk. Needless to say my sister could eat anything and everything and never gain a pound and mother constantly micromanaged everything I consumed and I still gained weight. My weight became a major issue of mine and therefore a major battle ground. I spent a great deal of time and energy battling the bulge and although I did have successes they were very short lived.

I began to believe that if I could only hit and stay at that magic number on the scales or fit into the perfect size 2 pair of jeans I would be happy. I realized at about age 32 by trying to achieve this I was making myself incredibly unhappy. I also realized after thoroughly exhausting everything I could read on weight loss and the anatomy of a fat cell, that it was a futile endeavor; you just can’t alter genetics. I also realized that this had never even been an issue until my mother had made it one, along with my aversion to cosmetics, dresses and long hair. I am not a girly girl.

I eat to be healthy now, I don’t limit foods, count calories or follow fad diets. I have learned to listen to my body. I have found that grazing through the day works better than eating three meals a day. I threw out the scales years ago and to this day I have no clue what my weight is but at 48 years of age I am remarkably healthy and active. I am also not thin and I am ok with that. I also learned that no one cares about my weight; not even my mother seems to care but I think that has more to do with the fact that we are now wearing the same size.

So, for all of you setting resolutions for this new year make sure that you are setting goals that ensure positive physical and mental health and not following a fad that goes against who and what you are. As for me…well, it looks like this is going to be a year of big changes, we will be leaving India in the spring, opening the Meditation Center in the summer/autumn and hopefully setting up something similar in the States next winter. My resolution for this new year is to just get it all done with grace and dignity and as an INTJ that means 5 day planners, a billion lists and back up plans for any probable scenario

Good Luck and Happy New Year!


photo: Whimsy (Chipmunk eating from a Thali), Udaipur, India

Nikon 5300, photo taken by Pamela


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