So, these freaky, unexplainable incidents that I would find myself in, or rather the aftermath of these incidents, always perplexed me and not knowing what to do with them or how to define them I did what anyone would do and I took turns blaming either myself, my parents or people I had a relationship with that “reminded” me of the relationship with my parents. I barely remembered half of the events of my episodes and what I did remember honestly really wasn’t reliable since I was suffering from delusions and in some cases hallucinations.
This caused a great deal of anger, remorse, guilt and shame and being an INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging; MBTI) personality type it took me an unfathomable amount of time to process what I was feeling. The details relayed back to me by friends, family, co-workers, etc. also caused quite a bit of cognitive dissonance because what I knew about myself and the erratic behavior that I had exhibited during my episodes were at conflict. In short my life was a chaotic ride and I was beginning to think that there wasn’t a way off it.
Photo: Kaleidoscope, Motorola Camera phone with mirror editing feature; Pamela