I have been feeling defeated lately and so I have stayed away. I try to stay optimistic; look for the silver lining; find the lessons to the problems and usually that works but lately that hasn’t been the case. In addition to feeling defeated, I also feel unheard and just a bit invisible and I realized that this has been an ongoing state. So, you might say that I am also very angry. Angry to the point of breaking.
I am trying to not take it out on others which only partially explains my absence of late, the rest has revolved around the move and a whole lotta change. Staying away has produced guilt and adds to the anger and the feeling of defeat. I have been building dreams that get so close to fruition and then get shoved aside for someone else’s, hoping that one day I will achieve my dreams. Hope, as we all know, is a wonderful thing but I have as of yet to build anything concrete on it alone.
My apologies for the rant and my absence.