I need to set some realistic and obtainable goals. I posted awhile back that I had felt defeated and in some areas of my life, I still do. The big one being my plans for Stara Planina Meditation Center. It is my Ultimate Goal but I am having a hard time obtaining it at the moment. I haven’t given up on it but I am going to put it on the back burner for the moment. My intentions for it and the perception of what it is going to be are not in sync.


I am going to pursue some easier goals. My first goal is to publish a Blog entry on a daily basis. My life has changed and this Blog just might change as well, I can’t say for certain that it will…but it would make sense if it does. I have been trying to maintain the Status Quo (quite unsuccessfully) and I think that is why I have been feeling defeated lately. Much like my intentions and the perceptions of the Center are out of sync many of my relationships are too. I have reached a point where I no longer feel like my mental disorder is a hindrance. I am no longer in recovery, I have done the work, developed the skills, and moved forward. Unfortunately, it is hard for those that have been supportive (or not) to recognize that I am willing and able to stand on my own two feet.

I am partially to blame for this, during my recovery phase, I willingly took on the role of “support staff” because it allowed me time to recover and it made me feel like I had a purpose at a time when I felt purposeless. It also allowed me to show those friends and family members that were my rocks of salvation that they mattered to me. I may have become everyone’s cheerleader for their cause and go-to gal but I never lost focus of who I was (or was becoming), I never lost track of the dreams and goals that I wanted to achieve or what I liked or disliked but somewhere, somehow people lost sight of me…the real me. I have become a permanant place holder of sorts.

I have become increasingly busy with other people’s “stuff” over the years and have found that I have very little time left over for me and my goals/dreams. This has left me feeling unfulfilled and resentful. I can, in retrospect, see how the universe is at play in all that has unfolded since April. I see that I am being given a chance to get my life back on track and I am going to take that chance. I am going to set some smaller goals to start with and hopefully everything will start to sync back up.

So….Goal #1: Publish a blog post daily…

once this goal is consistently achieved I will move on to Goal #2


Photo: Sunset over the Danube. Taken at Seven Generations Winery in Bulgaria by Pamela.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Louise says:

    Hi Pamela,

    i have read a few.of your posts starti ng with the one about being unwell and the effects of antidepreseents etc.. and yoir symptoms of Bi Polar. i mmediately empathised as i have been through all the same feelings and suffered the same side effects.and struggles with mental health ( i have never been diagnosed beyong standard depression but I think i am bi Polar or have some sort of bi polar type imbalance) as I co tibued tonread your posts I was intrigued as there are nentions of Iiving in India and of the retreat in Bulgaria, I have heard of baby mountain I saw an ad that it was for sale i think i enailed to ask if would consider renting as I eant tontey abd run a retrear type business in BG. i never got a reply but after reading your posts I see you are not selling now. i am glad you are holding o to your dream, i hope you manage to find a balance where you can have enough time in BG to do what yoy really want to do.
    i am hoping to move out soon, after another bad few months I am at breaking point and need to just go but can’t decide India first or straight to Bansko(that’s my preferrred location) i have a few ideas for business to earn because obly thing stopping me is money. i am thinking a yoga retreat india to tey and balance myself a bit before BG. can you recommend a good yoga ashram somewhere peaceful where thry do Ayurveda massages too or nearby? and please can you tell ne which theme you use on wordpress to get this layout? i need to fix mine it is utter rubbish, my wordpress site looks like the inside of my head, f up.
    Good luck on the blog a day…Goals !
    Best wishes,


    1. Pamela says:

      Hi Louise, Thank you for reading.
      The “For Sale” post on the Baby Mountain FB page had been from the original owner, Peter Dewhurst, we bought it from him and changed the name to Stara Planina Meditation Center. We have been doing quite a bit of construction and revamping since we purchased it. Lots of things had been DIY projects and needed to be addressed, plumbing, roof, etc. We took over the page he had started for Baby Mountain, however, when he added us as Admins there were certain things that he had done that we can’t change…such as the “For Sale” stuff. We will be eventually shutting that page down and putting up a new one so there is less confusion.

      As for the Ashram/Yoga retreats in India I am not the person to ask. I suck at yoga, tried years ago, got kicked out of class and haven’t gone back…it just isn’t my thing. I am also not a huge fan of India, I like parts of it but on a whole…after 4 years…I really have no plans to ever return.

      The theme I use on WordPress is Dyad…hope that helps.

      Good luck with your health, I hope that you can find a Doctor that can accurately diagnose your condition. A good Doctor and therapist are key. I have had several over the years.

      Best of luck and thanks for reading,


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