I need to set some realistic and obtainable goals. I posted awhile back that I had felt defeated and in some areas of my life, I still do. The big one being my plans for Stara Planina Meditation Center. It is my Ultimate Goal but I am having a hard time obtaining it at the moment. I haven’t given up on it but I am going to put it on the back burner for the moment. My intentions for it and the perception of what it is going to be are not in sync.
I am going to pursue some easier goals. My first goal is to publish a Blog entry on a daily basis. My life has changed and this Blog just might change as well, I can’t say for certain that it will…but it would make sense if it does. I have been trying to maintain the Status Quo (quite unsuccessfully) and I think that is why I have been feeling defeated lately. Much like my intentions and the perceptions of the Center are out of sync many of my relationships are too. I have reached a point where I no longer feel like my mental disorder is a hindrance. I am no longer in recovery, I have done the work, developed the skills, and moved forward. Unfortunately, it is hard for those that have been supportive (or not) to recognize that I am willing and able to stand on my own two feet.
I am partially to blame for this, during my recovery phase, I willingly took on the role of “support staff” because it allowed me time to recover and it made me feel like I had a purpose at a time when I felt purposeless. It also allowed me to show those friends and family members that were my rocks of salvation that they mattered to me. I may have become everyone’s cheerleader for their cause and go-to gal but I never lost focus of who I was (or was becoming), I never lost track of the dreams and goals that I wanted to achieve or what I liked or disliked but somewhere, somehow people lost sight of me…the real me. I have become a permanant place holder of sorts.
I have become increasingly busy with other people’s “stuff” over the years and have found that I have very little time left over for me and my goals/dreams. This has left me feeling unfulfilled and resentful. I can, in retrospect, see how the universe is at play in all that has unfolded since April. I see that I am being given a chance to get my life back on track and I am going to take that chance. I am going to set some smaller goals to start with and hopefully everything will start to sync back up.
So….Goal #1: Publish a blog post daily…
once this goal is consistently achieved I will move on to Goal #2
Photo: Sunset over the Danube. Taken at Seven Generations Winery in Bulgaria by Pamela.