Goals (Part 2)

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Goal #1 was to publish a blog post on a daily basis…so far so good.

I am not sure what Goal #2 will be…yet. It’s a work in progress. I did vow that my life would be different after this move. I wasn’t planning on ever moving back to the States but hey…never say never…or so the adage goes. Anyway, I am here, I have had my little pity party and I have decided to make the best of it.

India, not only got the best of Sheba, but it took a toll on me as well. The noise, the pollution, the mind boggling amount of people (and their general mindset) and the fact that food isn’t always food (plastic rice from China and our American chemical laden junk food, some of which was banned in the U.S. but greedily sold to the Asian Market) all left me just a bit physically and mentally worse for wear and harboring a very misanthropic attitude. I physically feel better but mentally I have been struggling with some old issues I thought had long been put to rest (hence the therapy sessions).

I am a bit world weary at the moment; disenchanted with life. The world has become an inhospitable place and I am sick of it. When did the whole world become home to self-important, entitled, hate-filled assholes? I am not a perfect person but I try to follow a code of conduct that eschews kindness, even if I don’t feel like it. Here is why…My parents were seldom kind and I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of actions and words meant to break you. My brother’s partner often jokes that we easily could have become serial killers given our childhood, he does so nervously because honestly for those that know us well…I do believe they think that there might just come a day where we snap.

We were damaged but we were never annihilated; they never managed to completely break our will to live. We tend to lean to the side of kindness and compassion to our detriment because we know exactly how painful it is to have someone try to break you. I have found that most people see kindness as a weakness which prompts them to abuse (or try to) the kind soul.

They forget that someone can chose to be kind just as they chose not to be. There is always a choice. I, admittedly,  have been pushed too far and I forgot to choose kindness. The venomous verbal onslaught that fell from my lips was lethal and didn’t stop until I saw terror register in the eyes of my victim…and I recalled my childhood…and stopped. I didn’t stop soon enough, the damage was done and there was no taking it back. You just can’t take it back. no matter how much you would like to…

So….

I remind myself daily to do no harm. I survived things that most people couldn’t. I am not perfect and I never will be…but I can always be kind. I have a remarkable inner strength and no one can take that away from me; because of that inner strength (and the events that developed it), it is my duty to choose kindness.

The moral of this story for those of you that got lost along the way…or…are wishing that I would hurry up and get to the point…

Always think twice before trying to take advantage of a kind person; for its a simple act of resolve on their part that has you thinking they are easy prey. So, before you end up with your face on the side of a milk carton because you found the hunted was actually the hunter; foster a little kindness too. Peace Out!

 

Photo: The Stand Off. Taken by Pamela with a Nikon 5300 DSLR in Shimla, India

 

Sus had a conference in Shimla (I tagged along). One morning while she was out, I was standing on the balcony of our room soaking in the view when I heard this awful screeching I saw a crow swooping a tree. I ran for my camera, zoomed in and watched (and snapped photos) as a crow dive bombed a monkey that was eating eggs from the crows nest. Eventually more crows showed up and they drove the monkey off and positioned themselves between monkey and what was left of eggs and nest

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