Creating and the Guilt of Dropping the Responsibility Ball.

Last week I talked about creating the life you want and I am well aware that it sounds easier than it is. I know this from experience. I have a long history of not being able to maintain the life I attempt to create. I am my own worst enemy and here is why; I am a perfectionist! I actually feel guilt (and shame rears its ugly head up now and again too) if I spend time doing what I want to do. I, have been adulting, since childhood. It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t out-run, out-wit or just plain knock out my rigid sense of responsibility.

I would like to think that I have improved over the past three years but I really haven’t made much of a dent if truth be told. So, once again, this January when I reflected upon what worked and didn’t work last year…being more creative (aka spending more time in the Studio) was at the top of my list…again. Last year wasn’t horrible but it could have been better and I want it to be better. I want a daily painting practice established. To achieve this, since I am a very goal-driven perfectionist, I set a goal of doing an art series and by the end of the year I want to participate in an open call for artists. Wish me luck!

I just spent all of January and most of February getting the house in order, it is clean, organized and all the pets are on a schedule…and so am I. I have asked S for assistance with pets and home, so, fingers crossed. I even spent the day actually working on some pointillism projects. I started one while in Santa Fe, New Mexico over the Christmas holiday and almost have it finished. I started a new one last night and worked on it almost all day, still felt a twinge of guilt but seriously the guilt has got to go. It isn’t helping me to achieve the life I want. Both works were inspired by this little pointillism project I did at the end of last year:

inspired by Van Gogh’s, Starry Night but I keep ending up with unexpected birds and animals…

Creating the Life You Want

is something that all of us can do. I think that we often get so busy keeping up with the expectations that other people impose upon us (not to mention those that we inflict upon ourselves) that life loses a little joy and you start to feel like you are being sucked dry and you go into survival mode. You know what I am talking about, that point where you feel like just going back to bed, taking a vacay from adulting or bingeing on Netflix, wine and ice cream while simultaneously trying not to linger to long on the precipice of that shame spiral that is reaching out for your soul.

Every January I go through what I like to call the New Year Purge. My mother calls it nesting but to me that always implied accumulating stuff that wasn’t always necessary at the moment but might possibly be needed soon. Pregnant women nest, they start cleaning the house, getting stuff ready for the upcoming baby and the fact that they will essentially be in a sleep deprived state for awhile. You need to do that deep clean, stash and stockpile to make life a bit easier post baby.

I, however, am not stashing or stockpiling anything. I am doing a deep clean and I am organizing but I am doing so after much reflection and purging things no longer relevant to the life I want to live. I am creating the life I want. I do want to point out that this is a work in progress, mostly because I am a work in progress. We all are. As a work in progress this Create the Life I want moment peaked about 3 or 4 years ago with an epiphany where I decided that my life could be better, I could be happier and feel more fulfilled; I could be more balanced. This all sounds great but where and how do you get started? Yeah, That was my question too.

In my case it was a big jumble of trial and error which eventually resulted in a handful of questions and 3 rules which I am about to share with you.

Take stock of your life: What do you LOVE about your life? What do you LOVE about YOU? What do you wish you could change about your life/you? Do you feel happy and fulfilled? Why or Why not? Is there something that you always wanted to do or do more of but you never have time?

Some of these will be easy to answer and others won’t be and that is okay. The first rule to Creating the Life you want is to accept that it isn’t going to be easy. Friction induces expansion, and you want that. Stagnation isn’t a good thing.

The second rule to Creating the Life you want is all about accepting yourself. You are a unique individual, with a perspective, value system and personal code of ethics that is all yours and yours alone. You are a universe all your own, remember that the next time you (or anybody) starts a comparative analysis. Be bold, be different, be you.

The third rule to Creating the Life you want is being mindful of others. Let’s face it you are not alone out there in the cosmos. There are other universes with their own space-time continuums, so lets be kind and respectful.

At the end of the first year (and every year after) take a moment for reflection. What worked for you? What didn’t work? What is the next step you would like to take in the areas that did work? Are you willing to let go of what didn’t work or does it just need some tweaking to once again be a viable option? How are you getting in the way of Creating the Life you want? What steps can you take to get out of your way?

Yep, those last two questions are brutal but very important, so dig deep.