Creating and the Guilt of Dropping the Responsibility Ball.

Last week I talked about creating the life you want and I am well aware that it sounds easier than it is. I know this from experience. I have a long history of not being able to maintain the life I attempt to create. I am my own worst enemy and here is why; I am a perfectionist! I actually feel guilt (and shame rears its ugly head up now and again too) if I spend time doing what I want to do. I, have been adulting, since childhood. It seems no matter how hard I try I can’t out-run, out-wit or just plain knock out my rigid sense of responsibility.

I would like to think that I have improved over the past three years but I really haven’t made much of a dent if truth be told. So, once again, this January when I reflected upon what worked and didn’t work last year…being more creative (aka spending more time in the Studio) was at the top of my list…again. Last year wasn’t horrible but it could have been better and I want it to be better. I want a daily painting practice established. To achieve this, since I am a very goal-driven perfectionist, I set a goal of doing an art series and by the end of the year I want to participate in an open call for artists. Wish me luck!

I just spent all of January and most of February getting the house in order, it is clean, organized and all the pets are on a schedule…and so am I. I have asked S for assistance with pets and home, so, fingers crossed. I even spent the day actually working on some pointillism projects. I started one while in Santa Fe, New Mexico over the Christmas holiday and almost have it finished. I started a new one last night and worked on it almost all day, still felt a twinge of guilt but seriously the guilt has got to go. It isn’t helping me to achieve the life I want. Both works were inspired by this little pointillism project I did at the end of last year:

inspired by Van Gogh’s, Starry Night but I keep ending up with unexpected birds and animals…

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