Posted on May 29, 2020
I have been a little lost since Lily Chow passed away and honestly, I was lost before her death, her passing over the Rainbow Bridge just helped me to realize and accept it. I lost my focus or maybe I just never really had one. I guess it doesn’t matter.
I loved my old blog, I liked the potential of this current one and somehow the ghost of the other one lingers; keeping me from truly moving on. I am an artist, it is in my soul and my DNA and yet I try hard to convince myself that I should be something other than what I truly am at my core. I have some deep-seated childhood issues that are at work here and try as I might I can’t get past them. I need to…desperately!
The act of creating is cathartic and spiritual for me. I need it like I need oxygen. I need it to process those raw tumultuous emotions that overwhelm me. I need it to keep me anchored in a world that I often feel detached from. I need it to bridge the gap between lucidity and psychosis. I need it for connection to the world as a whole.
The late, great Terrence McKenna, in many of his lectures, talked about the role of the aboriginal Shaman as a sanctioned psychotic; an outlier, being in the tribe but not of it. Their use of hallucinogens allowed them to experience being other; other dimensions, other life forms, alternate realities. It made them useful to the tribe but also set them apart. It broke up the monotony of everyday tribal life, helped the tribe trend/future forecast weather, prey migration patterns, intratribal relations, etc.,. The Shaman saw things differently and embraced this. It wasn’t a hindrance, it was a superpower.
As someone with a mental illness this resonated with me. I am that sanctioned psychotic (without the hallucinogenic drug use). Art is what makes me useful to society. I see the world through a different lens, that alternate reality if shared breaks up a life mundane and hopefully builds connection. I have been fighting this and it’s time I stop.
I know I won’t be everyone’s cup of tea (I am used to that), but it is the lie I have been telling myself in order to abort this last frontier of self-mastery. I am miserable and I will continue to be so if I continue to censor that crazy, creative child that lives inside.
Going forward, there will be more visual art and less words (I am a word nerd but it isn’t how I communicate best). It is vital that I be true and honest with myself in order to be true and honest with all of you. Thank You!
Posted on May 26, 2020
We said goodbye to Lily (our dog) a week ago. It wasn’t unexpected, she was a geriatric canine, but that didn’t make it any easier. I am going to miss her goofy little smile and the fact that she liked to dance although she hadn’t been doing much of that the past year. I hadn’t realized how much time went into helping Lily get around and trying to coax her into eating by tempting her with her favorite homecooked meals (or fast food chicken nuggets) until she was gone and now I just feel a bit off, like I should be doing something but….what?
I owe all of you a thank you for your patience. I have been AWOL and several of you have stuck around and that means a great deal. I will get my act together and try to get back into the swing of things sooner, rather than later…hopefully.